Being a mom

I miss being a mom.  A few weeks back, one of my hospital friends asked me if I liked being a mom; she commented that I seemed to really enjoy it.  I do.  I love watching our kids learn and grow.  Being a teacher at heart, I enjoy seeing the wonder that comes with each new experience.  A seed sprouting, a flower blooming, a bird singing.  Or in Ethan's case ... an airplane overhead, a truck driving by, construction equipment.  I love reading to our kids, snuggling with them, tickling them.  I like helping them find new strategies for solving problems, or dealing with new situations.  Kids can be pretty awesome, especially as they become more and more independent.

When Anna was born, we made the conscious decision for me to stop teaching so I could be a full-time mom.  At first, my feathers would get ruffled when someone would say "You're so lucky that you can stay home with your kids."  It was, and still is, a choice that has required sacrifices from us.  But it has been the best decision for our family; we wouldn't change things.  Now that I'm a little older, and maybe a little wiser, I  realize that each family's situation is unique and everyone has choices to make.  Each choice requires its own sacrifices and what is right for one family may not be right for another.

My first year at home with Anna was hard.  "Mind-numbing" is the phrase a friend once used.  After six years of teaching, the adjustment to being home all the time with an infant was challenging.  But we made it through.  Since then, we have seen the results of all the time, energy, and hard work we have put in as parents.  And we like our kids and our simple life.

Early on in Anna's hospital stay, someone asked if I worked outside the home.  When I told them no, they responded with something like "Oh, good!  Then at least you don't have to worry about taking time off of work!"  Except that I have been taking time off of my job as a mom to Kate and Ethan, and even to Anna.  In addition, we did not have the "luxury" of consistent childcare already in place for Kate and Ethan.  Most of my energies are spent coordinating life and medical care.

There is only so much time in a day, and only so much energy.  Another hard part of this whole experience is deciding where to put each day's parenting energy ... Kate? ... Ethan? ... Anna?  At what point do we use any of our energy for our marriage relationship?  Or our personal needs?  I miss being a mom and a wife.

But today was a good day.  After spending the night at the hospital last night and being around to meet today's nurse (who was a new one to us, again), I came home while Melissa spent the day with Anna.

I got to go to the library with Kate and Ethan, run into a friend at the library park, take Kate to school, plant some broccoli and more flower seeds, pick Kate up from school, take the two younger ones to Olbrich Gardens, and still come home with a pizza for dinner.  The pictures here are from our annual visit to Olbrich to see the first blooming flowers of spring.

 

When I'm getting ready to leave the hospital, people often encourage me to "enjoy the other kids".  I've had a hard time doing that on many of my "days off", mainly because I'm exhausted, the kids are out of sorts, and my mind and my heart are still with Anna.  But I tried to be intentional about my choices today ... and the sun was shining :)

From the nurse's perspective, and Melissa's, Anna had another relatively good day today.  The term the rehab coordinators use for Anna's last two and a half weeks is "deconditioning".  I remember an anecdote once about some college football players who were put on bed rest for a week; the extent of their deconditioning during that single week was surprising.  Any progress Anna made prior to her shunt infection was virtually lost.  But she is more and more awake each day and able to do more and more.  Hopefully the progress continues.  When I was with her yesterday she was willing and able to be in her wheelchair three separate times, with the last one lasting almost an hour.  Good work, Anna!

The nephrologists are finally happy with Anna's blood pressures, but now the cardiologists are involved because Anna has been tachycardic for most of her hospital stay (fast heart rate).  So ... Anna's meds may be switched to try to counteract both the high blood pressure and high heart rate.

As for Anna's clamped EVD, so far so good.  However, her neurosurgeon said that he would like to take things two days at a time.  If she can handle two days of being clamped (which she has), then he'll give her two more days.  Then, I presume, he will give her two more days.  At some point she'll need to have a quick brain MRI to see how her ventricles look before any decision is made about her needing a shunt.  Pretty much we are in a holding pattern in that regard.


 Time for prayers

Thanksgiving
Please thank God for gifting us with a beautiful day on my day out of the hospital; I cherish these even more than I did before.
Please give thanks that Anna's infections seem to have cleared up.
Please thank God that Anna's nausea has subsided since the weekend.
Please give thanks for some consistency with Anna's night nurses.
Please thank God for the flexibility Matt is getting through work these days.
Please give thanks for the continued support our family is receiving.
Please thank God for everyone involved in Anna's care at the hospital.

Requests
Please continue to pray for peace, strength, wisdom, rest, and hope for our family.
Please continue to pray that Anna's treatments are 100% effective.
Please continue to pray for all of Anna's care staff at the hospital.
Please pray again for the perfect heart to come soon for baby Charlie; his family is also getting weary of living apart from one another.
Please pray that God reveals His plans for Melissa's future sooner rather than later.  She is looking for a full-time elementary teaching position for next year.