Although we may occasionally have the opportunity to sleep at home, it doesn't necessarily mean we sleep well. Sometimes we just can't turn our brains off. I'm sure everyone goes through that.
Right now I miss Anna. I miss seeing her run around the house with Kate and Ethan. I miss hearing her boss Kate around while they play together. I miss her laugh. I miss seeing her take care of her brother and teach him things. I miss how much fun she and Kate have when they play. I miss picking her up from school. I miss watching her learn how to ride a bike. I miss hearing her sing. I miss her kindness. I miss her stomping her feet, yelling, and slamming her bedroom door. I miss her help. I miss listening to her make up jokes. I miss watching her make pictures and cards for the people she cares about. I miss doing "I read a page; you read a page" before bed. I miss her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist when I carry her. I just miss Anna.
Maybe all of those things I miss are still inside Anna's broken body. Maybe one day when her body heals, I'll get to hear, see, smell, and feel all of those things that I miss. But it doesn't change the fact that right now I miss Anna.
I just needed to get this off of my chest this morning. Please don't ask me how I'm doing today. If you do, I'll probably just tell you that I'm tired.
3 comments:
I won't ask how you are doing... I can only imagine how I would be doing in your same situation. God gives us the strength we need to face every circumstance of our lives. The line from one of our hymns today says it best. "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand." I will tell you that seeing your words in today's post about how much you miss Anna (the positive and the negative) has made me think about how snappy I have been with mine lately. I'm not sure why, but I've asked forgiveness and will make a fresh effort to see the positive in every situation. Enjoy the benefit today...
I wish I could give you a big hug right now.
I can't imagine how hard all of this is on you and Matt. Just reading the words weighs on me and you are riding each of these waves.
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