Reflections

No one has yet made the comment that we are all "better people" for having gone through Anna's cancer experience, and I'm glad for the silence.  I think I would have a hard time responding to a comment like that.  Sure, God has been able to work in some pretty positive moments in the past 10 months, but I simply cannot embrace the idea that any of us are "better" for having gone through these trials.

Specifically Anna.  A 7 year old is supposed to be a kid.  Not a cancer patient.  Not a rehab patient.  Not someone who has unconscious psychological barriers towards eating because of how frequently they vomited for months on end.  A 7 year old is supposed to be running around and playing with her friends.  Not taxing herself on a daily basis to do simple tasks like standing up or swallowing.

Sure, others have been able to witness her faith, her strength, her determination, her intelligence, her sense of humor, her love, her selflessness, and her caring heart.  But all of those traits were present a year ago ... before the cancer diagnosis.

And the rest of us, specifically us grownups?  We're not "better" than we were, either.  We are the same people we always were, and yet we have also been shaped by our experiences, as anyone is who goes through life.  I think we cry more than we did a year ago, but I also think we laugh more.  We have to.  Because if Matt and I don't have it in us to laugh at the dinner table, then the kids certainly won't.

But I think we are a bit more cynical about life, too.  For example, after Kate's conference last month when Matt and I went to Culver's for dinner (our version of a date night ... a kid's conference and then fast food), we both were feeling very proud to be Kate's parents.  But after wondering what kind of person Kate would be as an adult, we each had the thought, independently, if she makes it to adulthood.  I'm not sure either of our thoughts would have gone that direction a year ago.

We also feel others' pain more deeply, give our experiences.  I can feel it in my gut when I learn of someone else's pain and suffering.  As such, I avoid mainstream news when I can; I don't need to hear of the suffering of people I have never met, at least not at this point in my life.  I come in contact with enough people who have reasons to suffer.

Enough of that.

Last Monday was Anna's parent/teacher/therapist/support staff/etc. conference.  Big picture ... Anna is doing remarkably well with the curriculum for which she has been present.  In fact, our little math lover is going to be part of a math enrichment group soon.  She is a hard worker and is, literally, an inspiration to those around her, both students and staff.

However, Anna is still missing loads of classroom time with her peers and thus is missing out on many learning opportunities.  A hard pill for this educator momma to swallow :)  Granted, Anna knows a bit more biology than many second graders.  Neutropenic, white blood cells, platelets, chemotherapy, and neurosurgeon are all part of her useful vocabulary.  But still ...

A large chunk of the conference was focused on how the next step is going to look for Anna.  We have all worked to coordinate her various therapies, both in school and out, so that she can attend school in the afternoons some days.  Part of her schedule will include a rest/nap at school while her peers are at lunch and recess.  The current "plan" is for her to have two days with therapy sessions from 8-9 in the morning, then school from 9:30-2:45; two days with school from 8-11:30 and therapy in the afternoon, and one day with school from 8-2:45.

I'm anxious.  Probably more so than anyone else involved.  It's going to be a big transition for this girl.  Giving up her nap when she was three and four was a long, difficult process.  I imagine something similar for her during the next several months.

But now it's time for some good news about Anna.  After having her blood drawn for labs last Tuesday, her oncologist decided that Anna doesn't need her blood drawn for labs again until her MRI in December.  All of her blood counts were stable enough to let her keep her blood for a few weeks.  Good news.  I don't have much perspective on this, but we were under the impression that she would need weekly labs done for a few months.  I guess the package of port accessing supplies that arrived on Wednesday wasn't necessary.  And Anna won't be seeing her home health nurse friends for awhile.

Also, Anna had her second feeding/swallowing therapy session on Friday morning.  It's hard to summarize the whole eating dilemna when people ask me how this particular aspect of rehab is going now.  We're thankful that Anna finally has a therapist for this important skill.  She gives us some very simple, straightforward exercises or activities for Anna to do that are fun and effective.  In the two weeks between Anna's sessions, her therapist noticed a difference in Anna's toungue and jaw strength.  Good news.  She has only met Anna two times and was already commenting about how hard of a worker Anna is.  However, it's going to take a long, long time for Anna to recover the strength and coordination necessary to eat food like the rest of us.  So, like everything else, we take it one day at a time.

We have taken to referring back to Dr. Iskandar's analogy again ... how do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.

Time for prayers - Back in the spring, we had very specific prayer requests regarding Anna's medical condition.  Now our requests are going to be more specified towards her rehab.

Thanksgiving
Please give thanks that we found a set of pediatric parallel bars on Craigs List in October; they are an ideal tool to use for helping Anna stand again.
Please thank God that Anna has a feeding/swallowing therapist and that the whole situation seems to be working out well.
Please give thanks that we have been able to reduce Anna's steroid medication, one of her heart medications, her anti-nausea medication, and her sleeping pill without any major side effects.
Please thank God that the educators at Anna's school are flexible, understanding, and compassionate towards our daughter and her situation.
Please give thanks for the support and openness of Anna's peers at school.  At the conference last week, we learned that Anna's classmates show little hesitation and reservation regarding differences.
Please give thanks for the continued support we are receiving from our friends, family, church, and community; it is very humbling.

Requests
Please ask God to increase Anna's oral motor strength and coordination so that tasting and swallowing food becomes enjoyable again.
Please pray that Anna's leg strength and coordination improves so she can work towards taking steps again.
Please ask God to continue to heal Anna's brain in miraculous ways.
Please ask God to make reading more enjoyable for Anna.  She loves listening to books and being read to, but is becoming more and more frustrated with reading because it requires so much work and mental effort on her part.
Please pray that Anna is able to keep up her spirits and energy level as her time at school is lengthened.
Please ask God to guide all those involved in Anna's extended days at school.
Please pray for safety for everyone traveling to see family this holiday week.  Please ask God to grant all families happy moments and good memories this Thanksgiving.

Thanks, as always, for your prayers and support.