Catching our breath

I keep thinking that one of these days we will be able to stop and catch our breath.  But now I'm not so sure.  The last week or so has been pretty hectic in our home, with the MRI and the follow-up appointments; this week looks to be busy as well, for different reasons.  So many things seem to happen every day in our little family.  Part of living in the moment means that the moments pass by quickly, and then the next moment happens, and then the next.

Take Friday for example.  We received the good news from Anna's MRI.  However, the happiness of the day was tempered by the fact that we learned earlier in the day from Anna's speech/language/feeding therapist that she got a new job and will have only one more session with Anna.  We are getting more used to transitions with therapists, but we really liked this one and had a great relationship with her.  Not only will Anna soon be working with a new therapist, but her schedule will need to change and our summer plans will also need to shift.

After therapy, Ethan and I managed a big grocery shopping trip.  On the way home is when we got the phone call from the hospital.

Friday afternoon was not the best in our home.  It had been a long week for the kids and, after being picked up from school in the midst of a brief rainstorm, we had a rough afternoon with lots of emotional moments.  Regardless of the extras, we are still the parents of a seven-year-old girl, an emotional almost-six-year-old girl, and a now-testing-the-limits two-year-old boy.

But, we got good news about Anna's MRI.

I have been trying to put the whole idea of the MRI situation into perspective for those who have not lived with cancer and here is my best illustration.

We see our lives as following a path.  As we approach a set of scans, we can see our path following two possible directions.  The anxiety as we reach the crossroads is about which direction our lives will take; the uncertainty is hard.  We have no control over which path we take; the lack of control is also hard, but not as difficult for me anymore.

Both paths have their own ups and downs.  As Anna so poignantly put it recently "Mom, it would have been nice to meet Jesus, but I'm glad I get to spend more time with my family."  (She was referring to her hospital time last year, not a recurrence of cancer.  The kids don't know as much about the chances of recurrence as we do, and we don't even know that much.  Ignorance is sometimes better in this regard.)

Once we know which way to step, we go forward with 100% of our energies.  Even now, it's hard for me to remember the possibilities of the "other" path; so much has already happened since that crossroads in our life.

Every four months for the coming two years, we will approach this same fork in the road.  The comfort we have each and every time is that if the cancer comes back, and treatment is not a realistic option, Jesus (and a great big party of faithful family and friends) is waiting for Anna in heaven.

Not every cancer family has this same faith and perspective.

Time for prayers

Thanksgiving
Please give thanks that Anna's scans all look stable!

Next time I'll post more updates.  Like I said, life has been a bit hectic.