What do you wish for yourself at this point
in your life?
It’s funny that since I received your letter with the next
questions, they began to morph in my mind as I pondered them. This one somehow turned into “What are your
goals for yourself at this point in your life?”, which is definitely different
than the original question. I’m glad
that I looked at it again before I starting putting my thoughts on paper.
Whenever anyone in our family has been given the option of
wishing recently, one of the first things that comes to mind is wishing that
Anna were here. During Ethan’s special
person week, he completed a poster about himself, including a section titled
“Three wishes I have are …” Sure enough,
one of his wishes was that Anna didn’t die (but not before he wished that we
lived in a fancier house).
My first wish is the same.
I wish that Anna were here with us, that we could hug her, talk to her,
listen to her, play with her, and do all of the things that we loved to do with
her. I know that life would be very,
very different if Anna were still here, that much of life would be fuller and more
difficult in certain ways, and yet I still wish that she were here. I probably always will.
But that’s not a realistic wish.
So, realistically speaking, I wish that I find ways in which
I can help others, hopefully using some of the lessons that life has taught me
thus far. I wish that I have the mental,
physical, and emotional strength to do whatever that might be. I wish that my family continues to stay
close, strong, and supportive. I wish
that Matt and I have the grace and wisdom to shepherd our children as they
continue to grow and heal. I wish that
Matt and I have the grace and wisdom to support one another as we continue to
heal and move forward. I wish that my
relationships with others continue to be a driving force in my life.
These are more realistic wishes over which I have an element
of control.
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