January 17, 2019

January 17, 2019

Dear Anna,

Today was a better day than yesterday.  Yesterday I was really mad and really sad about all of the friends that I felt like I “lost” because of your death.  I’m going to miss my therapy friends and my hospital friends.

And the sun was even shining!  But I had what was probably my worst day in awhile.

I’m glad that I have lived enough life to know that I will get through this, too.  In fact, because of all of the crap that happened in 2014, I know that I will adjust.  I will make new friends.  I will continue friendships with others.  Things will change, but we are resilient people.

I took a page from your book and tried to find things to be thankful for yesterday.  Here’s what I came up with … church and church friends, no migraines, massages, resilient kids, good memories.

Once I figured out why I was so sad, I decided to find ways to fill in some of the holes in my life.  It’s the weekend and daytime holes that are the hardest right now.  So we found some fun things for your siblings to do in the coming weeks and I’m working on building up my repertoire of daytime friends.

We will adjust.  There will be good days and hard days.  But I’ll enjoy the good days for what they are and give myself grace on the bad ones.

Yesterday ended well because we received a pile of cards again along with an awesome package from my cousin, Natalie.  She went back through our blog and found some of our favorite family things to send us.  It was incredibly thoughtful, practical, and meaningful at the end of the day I experienced.

Today was good because I make a batch of waffles to freeze.  I didn’t even tear up when I thought about how much you liked them.  But I still had that thought.

I also finally took down most of the Christmas decorations.  And I had another massage.  And Megan and I are going to a concert tonight.

I really am surrounded by good people.  And I thank God for that.  And I thank you for helping me to develop some of these relationships during the last 11 years so that they can help sustain me.

Jesus loves you and so do we.

Mom