January 8, 2019
Dearest Anna,
Today was supposed to be your MRI day. How you looked forward to these days! You and I always were able to spend some time
together just the two of us while we waited for the nurses and doctors to have
everything set. Your favorite part was
“taking a three hour nap”.
Once upon a time, anesthesia did not agree with you. But in the last few years, we had found just
the right cocktail of medications to ease your way into and out of
anesthesia. When I would be called back
to your side, we would start by listening to quiet, calming music. Then, I knew you were coming back to yourself
when you asked for different music. I
also knew when our time in the Campground was coming to an end because you
would start asking to play games again.
You were always such a good sport about the MRI days. You never complained about having to wear a
diaper; the IVs didn’t bother you; and you thoroughly enjoyed the special time
with me.
I don’t know what the doctors will ever say about your cause
of death, but I believe in my heart that something would have shown up on this
MRI. I was so afraid of having to make
any more hard decisions regarding your body.
If the scans had shown a secondary cancer, which I think they would
have, you and Dad and I would have had to decide how it would be treated.
I didn’t want to go through that again; I didn’t want YOU to have to go through that again. Although we would have done whatever was necessary, it would have been much harder than it was the first time. It would have been harder because we would have known more about what we were doing to your body, your mind, and our family. I believe that we were all spared from having to make any of those decisions.
I didn’t want to go through that again; I didn’t want YOU to have to go through that again. Although we would have done whatever was necessary, it would have been much harder than it was the first time. It would have been harder because we would have known more about what we were doing to your body, your mind, and our family. I believe that we were all spared from having to make any of those decisions.
But I miss our MRI days.
I enjoyed them, too. The older
you became, the fewer opportunities we had to hang out together, just the two
of us.
Jesus loves you and so do we.
Mom
2 comments:
Thank you for sharing. Anna is still remembered in our household very often.
Thanks for sharing these posts from your private writings, Sara! I think of you and pray for you and your family as your name comes up on my prayer list. This is beautiful and made me cry. Glad to see that Kate and Ethan are thriving and that together, you can honor Anna's memory.
Post a Comment